Date #13 – Guest post!

I took a lovely woman on a date. I mentioned that I felt my reports were becoming repetitive and she said she would write the report for this one. This is what she wrote (with only some minor editing by me for readability).

Number 13. I was number 13.

I must admit this is something I would never do. Dating 30 people requires a lot of energy, but most importantly lots of “little pieces of yourself” that you leave at each date. This actually happens (at least to me) every time I talk and listen to someone.

So honestly, I don’t like random dating/meeting. I carefully choose the people I spend my time with, and I give them all I can when I can. At the same time, this challenge is a good way for Linus to meet many people in a relatively short time. So I understand why he is doing it and I hope in the end he will get what he needs out of it.

I guess my report on the date will be a bit different. It’s not about what we did or what we ate, or where we went for drinks. It’s about what we got from each other personalities. Linus is a super busy guy with several interests and little time to do all of them. Still he does his best and I admire the fact he has so much energy to be so much involved in something he likes.

I have had periods like that in my life, but in my case it seems to me I was running away from something or someone that was not right or I did not like in my existence. Apparently this is not his case for him. He genuinely like meeting new people. I honestly think he does not need that, he can clearly go and talk to someone without being drunk (as many guys I have seen do) or through a challenge like this one, just being simply honest. But I kind of understand that this challenge is important now for him.

What I found very nice of this date was the surprising effect you can experience by getting to know a bit someone that you would probably never invite on a date. I was surprised he likes to play board and other type of games, and I could get some details on how you actually play them. This was definitely novel to me. And I wonder how many impressive things other people that I know “hide” in their life.

Linus and I know each other from the dancing community so we did not have much contact apart from dancing.. but I realize this is a choice we make all the time. We choose to enjoy dancing with someone over getting to really know them because we are shy or we just are too lazy to spend the time and effort required.

Yesterday I kind of learnt that it’s always worth spending time and energy in getting to know people, not simply in a superficial way, but really being there for them, listen to them, try to empathize and “being one” with their soul, even if for only a couple of hours.

Food and drinks were both very good.. but this does not really matter to me, it’s never the place or what you are doing.. it’s all about the people you are with.

Food: Lamskroon (20ish euro) at restaurant Kokoon. Lovely service and really nice food.

Drinks: Cocktails at Komeet on Oude Markt

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3 thoughts on “Date #13 – Guest post!

  1. Definitely a refreshing idea – to let your date write the report. Another nice part is the change of focus from place/food/conversation topics to what you actually got as an experience from meeting each other.

    I have one remark though, on the subject of preferring a conversation over dancing – in means of understanding and getting to know someone. I find it quite a weird statement and in fact I completely disagree with it. During a dance we see our partner straight in action; their behavior while leading/following is a tiny, but really dense and informative peek into their character and skills in life: are they confident in what they know, are they curious and up for experimenting, how do they react when they (or we) make a mistake, are they attentive to the surroundings or changes in rhythm and emotion; do they try to level up (or down) with us… and so on. Also, if we are dancing with someone we know for a while, we can recognize changes in their physical and emotional state. Without a word. It’s a whole bunch of info, part of whish doesn’t necessarily pass through our mind or is to be put in words – and it also doesn’t really need to. It’s like we skip the limitations and the ambiguity of words and we communicate on a different, closer level.

    In all, for those 3-4 minutes of a dance we get a firsthand experience on what someone is like, which experience I consider much more true, informative and useful than a whole evening of yada-yada-yeh.

    Of course, I do not imply in any way that hanging out and having a chat is by definition a bad or a boring thing. Not at all. Communicating through ordinary conversation can be all kinds of fun as well!

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  2. I agree that there is definitely a lot of communication going on while dancing. That is kind of the point when doing a partner dance. You mention disagreeing but I don’t think you actually disagree with the post’s point. Both modes of communication (talking on a date/nonverbal on the dance floor) complement each other nicely and both offer insight into what a person is like.

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  3. Agreed on the complementary role of both. My expression of disagreement was only about putting such an emphasis on verbal communication, thus dancing as an example.

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